永远有多远
我心已疲倦
只叹缘分太浅
梦不能圆

或许，我曾经爱过了谁
或许， 我曾经为谁崩溃

但，如果现在你问我
爱情是什么？
我会答， 我不知道

因为，无论你为爱付出了多少
有时候，就是不会有回报

我心痛
并不是我们爱得不够
而是
你的没用
与你的懦弱

我心痛
并不是我不爱你
而是
你任然坚持
要离我而去

23/1/2009
this night was my 1st time went clubbing.. i mean really clubbing, previously i jz went pub drink wine only, but this time i went club not jz drink vodka, i also got dance there.. hehe.. i wear a bright pink sexy dress.. hehe..

i went there with jess, i put all my things in jess's house, after bathed and maked up, then we took LRT from wangsa maju until kelana jaya, wow.. really damn far man.. somemore when we reached there, we still need to take taxi to sunway.. walao eh, the damn taxi man want us to pay rm20, so expensive..

then we meet jacqueline at bar salona there, she brought along her 2 fren, eric and 1 more guy but i forgot his fren ady.. hehe.. paiseh la.. after we paid, there jacqueline brought us went inside.. so exited..

at 1st when i get in there, i jz feel like the music is too loud, my heart got abit cnt stand for it.. but slowly and slowly, when i drunk some vodka, i become really like the environment there.. hehe.. coz getting high ady.. jacqueline kept on want me to drink.. after i drunk 2 cups, she pulled me out to dance..

at 1st, i still shy to dance, jz simply moved my body only, slowly and slowly, maybe i also got drunk ady, i started getting high and danced crazy with jacqueline.. followed how she danced.. later on, got few guys came beside us, wanna dance 2gather with us, but coz we dunno them.. after danced awhile, jacqueline then pulled me back to our's table.. we then continue drunk.. haha.. actually i get drunk ady on that time..

later on, my turn to pull jacqueline and jess out to dance.. we 3 danced together, more and more guys get closed to us, then eric came and protected us.. he danced near us so that dont let other guys stay too near us.. i danced with eric too.. body close to body.. really close.. hehe.. coz drunk ady mah..

after that, eric and another fren pulled us out from the club.. coz is time to go home ady.. but jess and jacqueline totally drunk.. i and jess slept on the street somemore.. really crazy..

eric sent us back to wangsa maju that night.. on the way back, i and jess also vomited.. eric stopped his car aside to let us vomited.. he really scare we'll vomit inside his car.. haha..

but on that night, i done a very damn stupid thing, i called jy that night.. damn suck, i really crazy.. how come i'll called him de? but he didnt answer my call, then i still sms he tell him that i missed him so much.. walao eh, i really drunk.. duno what i doing on that time.. haiz..

2day i went back to TARC college.. saw all my old fren.. hehe.. really long time didnt meet with them.. once they all realize i had came, all called my name.. they still remember my name.. hehe.. some even called my name loud.. thought i cant heard them.. maybe they too happy when saw me.. well, actually i really have many fren.. haha~

i went back there for exam, well, what can i say now is.. damn, really hard~ i hate database.. wuwu~ haiz~

after the exam, i jz went back home.. then online until, listening some soft music now, is a sad piano song.. haiz~ let me think back so unhappy memorise.. honestly, sometime i'll still think bout jy, duno he'll do the same with me or not, maybe not.. maybe now he ady hv new gf.. maybe now he's enjoying chatting with another girl.. maybe.. too many maybe..

eric keep telling dont think bout him anymore.. jz keep myself, my mind busy, but it's hard sometime.. honestly, if he come back to me right now, i know, i wouldnt accept him anymore.. he's not type of guy that i'll like.. not mature at all.. now i should focus on my study and work.. i always know this, jz sometime, hard to control my mind only.. i'll be fine soon.. hopefully..

jz now on facebook, i saw 1 of my fren become a fan of "Twilight", it's the 1st movie i watched with jy, and also then only 1 and last movie we watched 2gather.. he told me that if he got half of the power of the vampire, then that should be great.. i still laughed him that it's imposible.. he said all this to me when he holding my hand tight and out from cinema, but now.. haiz~

really miss that kind of life when 2gather with him..

1st day holiday.. actually also not really holiday la, jz i apply 1 week leave for study, coz got exam on coming friday.. 2day i wake up at around 10.30am, finally can wake up base on what time i want.. so nice.. hehe.. my dad thought i terminated by company coz saw i didnt went for work, hehe~ sometime when my dad good in mood, he like to joke also.. lol

after on9 for awhile, i went out to buy my lunch.. after that, then i started to study ady.. long time didnt touch my notes, really miss it.. i non-stop study for almost 4~5 hours, then i only on my computer back.. then i saw isaac msg me in my facebook, told me that i closed 2 sales 2day, wow~ no working also can close sales, hehe~ but i really wan to thx to jess.. coz she helped me to do follow up this early morning, helped me to call my candidates to remind them go for interview.. houto ni arigatto ne~

after bath and dinner, i also got study for 2 hrs.. i really feel happy to get back the feeling in study.. feel so nice.. not like working.. annoying..

then i chatted with aaron jz now after finished my study, i told him i cnt sleep coz my mind full of notes that i study in whole day.. he accompany me to chat for awhile although he going to sleep soon, thx ya aaron, so nice to me, 2ml need to wake up early but still accompany me to chat.. thx for ur advise and concern..

actually i know many ppl also concern bout me, like xonos, eric, jess, charlene, even my supervisor, isaac, they know i facing some problem recently, keep on gv me advise, ask me ganbateh, must study hard.. honestly, my heart really feel touch bcoz of them.. thx q so much guys..

i know i cant bcoz of the problem in love, then make my whole life destroy.. jy can act like nth happened, why i cant? i also can do that, mayb jz take some time.. i know i can do it.. jz will feel suffer now, i need to let go, i muz let go.. we're jz like 2 person from different world.. imposible to be with togather, not anymore.. i need to be strong enough, to make this suffer away from me, out of my mind..

actually i need to thx to jy too, if not bcoz of him, i'll nvr know who's the useless guy in the world, how the useless guy will do when he facing problem, will jz act like turtle, hide himself away, not even brave to face the problem, jz will said duno want to say what, everything jz duno.. what a poor guy he is..

i know i deserve to get a better guy..

almost 1 month i break up with jy, honestly, i still miss him, although he treat me bad.. really bad.. what can i say now? jz.. heart still will feel pain.. really pain

2day i really feel moody.. thought can go clubbing, but at the last minute, all fren gv me "big aeroplane", all dun wan to go ady.. i jz go back alone by myself, take lrt, take bus and walk.. that time ady 8.30pm, i still need to walk home alone, really feel angry..

after reach home, i rest awhile, on my computer and listening song.. thought i'll feel better soon.. then i followed parents out for dinner, my dad bring us to "113 restaurant", damn.. why? i really feel not wanna to eat here.. coz i always came here with jy last time.. make me think back many thing last time when we were 2gather here..

same place, but ppl ady different.. i order the same food, but ady not as delicious as b4 i ate.. i cry.. cry inside my heart.. jz cnt stand for it.. i really miss him.. why he never know me..

i cried ahter get back inside the car when on the way going home, my parents didnt say anything.. jz act like nth happen, maybe this is the best way for me.. for not asking me anyting..

i still miss u so much