jz chatted with xisco, my feeling now... dunno how to describe.. wanna help, but cannot... 无奈.. few days ago, xisco asked me when i can be his gf, well.. i jz answered him, if u come malaysia, i sure can be ur gf.. bcoz he always asked me this question, and i also used to it ady, sometime i jz thought he was kidding with me, coz he stay in HK.. that's y i asked him come malaysia..

but this time is different, he said he's serious... asked me ok or not? and he also suddenly tell me a very horrible thing, that's is... he has lung cancer... quite serious ady... at first, i thought he's kidding me again, but now april fool hvnt come, and i know him quite a long time, i know him well, he's no that such person will spoke out this kind of joke.. i know him wont..

but... why? why this will happened on him.. he still so young... suppose he still a long journey in his life, still hv many thing he never do before and need to do in future... why? god will treat him in this way... damn...

i dunno what i suppose to talk with him, i ady try my best to cheer him up, but... who still will cheer up if they know they're going to die??? i jz dunno what to do.. dunno what should i say.. god, please tell me what should i do...

he told me many thing, which really touch my heart... he said he want to tell me that actually since we knew, he ady fall in love to me.. no matter how busy he was, he still will try online to chat with me, honestly, i dunno he like me since 2 yrs plus... and the purpose he want to tell me this is bcoz he dont want hv any regret in his life... he want me to know that in his heart, ady has a special place for me... omg..

he hope that i'll never forget him... if in this world got next life... 轮回.. he sure will come and find me, no matther how far i am, or how my look change, he sure can find me out and want me to be his gf... oh, damn... i told him stopped talking bout this, i was crying... i really cried these few night, once i think back what he had told me before... what a poor guy he's, i really feel sorry for him..

and now, he start no dare to facing me... he said he'll try all his best to forget me, althought this will make him suffer, but he must do it...

xisco, i jz want to know u one thing, since we ady know each other quite a long time ady, i'm sure i know u well.. i dont believe u dare to make this kind of joke with me, sure of coz i'll believe u, althought it's really a horrible thing to believe it... i really feel sory for u... if can, i really dont want to lose such a best fren, but what can i do? i really dont want to believe it also...

i not dare to say yes to be ur gf, i think u also know the resason, GF, is a responsibility for me, a responsibility for a girl to take care her bf, to be with him no matter where or what happened, do what ever for her bf if posible... is a strong word and full of responsibility job... all this things, i cant do it for u, no even one of it... i jz dun want to give u a little bit hope, but after that disappoint u... can u understand me??? u still can find me anytime, i'll be here for u, i'm ady to listen what ever that u want to tell me or share with me... i sure will listen..

u not need to run away from me... i'll be ur best fren forver... god bless u....

in this pass 4 mths, i really had did alot of things, went alot of places, meet with alot of different ppls, and did alot of crazy things for i never do b4.. this feeling really hard to explain in word.. but 1 thing that i'm very sure is, i had grow up, no matter is in physical or mentally.. last few mths, when i jz break with jia yong, i really fell like world going to be end, why this will happened to me, but now, i know that it jz a procedure in life.. it's jz a very normal thing.. ppl got fate will be with 2gather, if no fate, will jz like us, be fren or be strange person on life.. the most important thing is, when we're facing something bad in life, we need to learn how to let go.. then everything will be fine, will be just fine..

since last few mth, i start go clubbing with my fren, mostly is with jess and jacqueline, jess said wana to me go all around clubbing in KL and Selangor tim~ haha.. so far i had been go quarttro, poppy, the LOFT, and barcelona only, then next target should be cocobanana, MOS, supper and many more.. hehe~

chop for poppy

chop for bar celona

chop for bar celona (jacqueline & my hands)

chop for bar celona

wah~~ so many wine here~~ wakaka..

jacqueline's smoke, import from japan, this kind of smoke is different with other brand of smoke, this is very smelling, it's size is thiner than other brand, of coz this brand of smoke is jz for lady..

she is dangerous.. she is a bad girl.. hahaha~

very long time didnt update my blog

soorrryyy~~~ houto houto gomen nasai, minna.. (*人*)

i know since i start working, really less time to online ady, but dont worry, i ady stop my job now, jz wanna take a break and rest, if everything go smooth, hopefully i can go kampar and study there, let everything here go, and jz go there alone.. have new life there..

27/2/2009
the last day in Recruit Express, all my colleague and a farewell with me and jess, coz both of us will not work soon.. we took some photos in office

Charlene, Lilian, Me and Ru Shi

Charlene (^_^)v

JessJess, Isaac papa , CatCat

Jess, Isaac, Me

ivyin & charlene

ivyin, charlene & rushi

all wearing coat, cool~~

charlene & me

yoyoyo~~

ivyin & me

ivyin & me

i like small little girl in tis photo.. lolx~

aiya~ shy shy la~~ lolx...\(≧▽≦)/

me & jess

3 pretty flowers.. haha~

stay cool~

BCF2 yeah~ v(^_^)v

welcome to recruit express

are we like model? lolx~

cool~

dare to come? haha~

me, stella & jess

after that farewell party, we all decided to havr dinner togather, Isaac take us to a very expensive restaurant 代官山 in pavilian, at first we all not dare to go in the restaurant, coz too expensive, but once all we knew that isaac pay for we, we only dare to go in.. isaac so nice right? haha~ take some photo during waiting our food to come..

rushi, claire, me & jess

ivyin & charlene, hey, what r u 2 doing?

lilian & jeffy, like to eat ais-cream so much?

beautiful light~

my crab meat rice.. yammi~

chicken meat rice

(^__^)v

yammi~~\(≧▽≦)/

ivyin just wana eat her egg only?

enjoyying my food..

lastly, isaac know i sure not enough for just a bowl of rice, he really know me well ya~ then he order a maggo ais-cream for me.. touch touch~~

dun worry guys, i sure will miss all of u.. koishii minna..

ytd, kenny brought me to saga to eat chop, honestly, it was my 1st time, hehe.. i told kenny that i hvnt eat chop b4, at 1st he dont believe me, after that when him saw me really dont know how to cut the chop, then he only believe me, haha.. then he still helped cut the lamp chop for me.. honestly, i got abit touched for it.. hahaha..

the restaurant there actually not class at all, jz a cheap stall beside a road, but still got many ppl like come to here, coz the chop here really famous.. kenny recommend me to eat lamp chop and coffee.. it's really nice.. and he also order 6 snails togather with garlic sauce.. it's also very nice.. kenny thought i not dare to eat it.. haha.. anyway, thx for ur dinner ya..

after that, he brought me to a place, i 4get the name of the place, that's a hill, we jz drive until half hill, coz kenny said top hill will abit dangerous coz there dont hv road lamp and very dark, so we jz stopped at half hill.. once i get down from his car and what i had saw was.. wah... a very beautiful night scene.. it's really nice.. kenny then laughed me coz of my action, haha.. it's really my 1st time to come here..

永远有多远
我心已疲倦
只叹缘分太浅
梦不能圆

或许，我曾经爱过了谁
或许， 我曾经为谁崩溃

但，如果现在你问我
爱情是什么？
我会答， 我不知道

因为，无论你为爱付出了多少
有时候，就是不会有回报

我心痛
并不是我们爱得不够
而是
你的没用
与你的懦弱

我心痛
并不是我不爱你
而是
你任然坚持
要离我而去

23/1/2009
this night was my 1st time went clubbing.. i mean really clubbing, previously i jz went pub drink wine only, but this time i went club not jz drink vodka, i also got dance there.. hehe.. i wear a bright pink sexy dress.. hehe..

i went there with jess, i put all my things in jess's house, after bathed and maked up, then we took LRT from wangsa maju until kelana jaya, wow.. really damn far man.. somemore when we reached there, we still need to take taxi to sunway.. walao eh, the damn taxi man want us to pay rm20, so expensive..

then we meet jacqueline at bar salona there, she brought along her 2 fren, eric and 1 more guy but i forgot his fren ady.. hehe.. paiseh la.. after we paid, there jacqueline brought us went inside.. so exited..

at 1st when i get in there, i jz feel like the music is too loud, my heart got abit cnt stand for it.. but slowly and slowly, when i drunk some vodka, i become really like the environment there.. hehe.. coz getting high ady.. jacqueline kept on want me to drink.. after i drunk 2 cups, she pulled me out to dance..

at 1st, i still shy to dance, jz simply moved my body only, slowly and slowly, maybe i also got drunk ady, i started getting high and danced crazy with jacqueline.. followed how she danced.. later on, got few guys came beside us, wanna dance 2gather with us, but coz we dunno them.. after danced awhile, jacqueline then pulled me back to our's table.. we then continue drunk.. haha.. actually i get drunk ady on that time..

later on, my turn to pull jacqueline and jess out to dance.. we 3 danced together, more and more guys get closed to us, then eric came and protected us.. he danced near us so that dont let other guys stay too near us.. i danced with eric too.. body close to body.. really close.. hehe.. coz drunk ady mah..

after that, eric and another fren pulled us out from the club.. coz is time to go home ady.. but jess and jacqueline totally drunk.. i and jess slept on the street somemore.. really crazy..

eric sent us back to wangsa maju that night.. on the way back, i and jess also vomited.. eric stopped his car aside to let us vomited.. he really scare we'll vomit inside his car.. haha..

but on that night, i done a very damn stupid thing, i called jy that night.. damn suck, i really crazy.. how come i'll called him de? but he didnt answer my call, then i still sms he tell him that i missed him so much.. walao eh, i really drunk.. duno what i doing on that time.. haiz..

2day i went back to TARC college.. saw all my old fren.. hehe.. really long time didnt meet with them.. once they all realize i had came, all called my name.. they still remember my name.. hehe.. some even called my name loud.. thought i cant heard them.. maybe they too happy when saw me.. well, actually i really have many fren.. haha~

i went back there for exam, well, what can i say now is.. damn, really hard~ i hate database.. wuwu~ haiz~

after the exam, i jz went back home.. then online until, listening some soft music now, is a sad piano song.. haiz~ let me think back so unhappy memorise.. honestly, sometime i'll still think bout jy, duno he'll do the same with me or not, maybe not.. maybe now he ady hv new gf.. maybe now he's enjoying chatting with another girl.. maybe.. too many maybe..

eric keep telling dont think bout him anymore.. jz keep myself, my mind busy, but it's hard sometime.. honestly, if he come back to me right now, i know, i wouldnt accept him anymore.. he's not type of guy that i'll like.. not mature at all.. now i should focus on my study and work.. i always know this, jz sometime, hard to control my mind only.. i'll be fine soon.. hopefully..

jz now on facebook, i saw 1 of my fren become a fan of "Twilight", it's the 1st movie i watched with jy, and also then only 1 and last movie we watched 2gather.. he told me that if he got half of the power of the vampire, then that should be great.. i still laughed him that it's imposible.. he said all this to me when he holding my hand tight and out from cinema, but now.. haiz~

really miss that kind of life when 2gather with him..