jz chatted with xisco, my feeling now... dunno how to describe.. wanna help, but cannot... 无奈.. few days ago, xisco asked me when i can be his gf, well.. i jz answered him, if u come malaysia, i sure can be ur gf.. bcoz he always asked me this question, and i also used to it ady, sometime i jz thought he was kidding with me, coz he stay in HK.. that's y i asked him come malaysia..

but this time is different, he said he's serious... asked me ok or not? and he also suddenly tell me a very horrible thing, that's is... he has lung cancer... quite serious ady... at first, i thought he's kidding me again, but now april fool hvnt come, and i know him quite a long time, i know him well, he's no that such person will spoke out this kind of joke.. i know him wont..

but... why? why this will happened on him.. he still so young... suppose he still a long journey in his life, still hv many thing he never do before and need to do in future... why? god will treat him in this way... damn...

i dunno what i suppose to talk with him, i ady try my best to cheer him up, but... who still will cheer up if they know they're going to die??? i jz dunno what to do.. dunno what should i say.. god, please tell me what should i do...

he told me many thing, which really touch my heart... he said he want to tell me that actually since we knew, he ady fall in love to me.. no matter how busy he was, he still will try online to chat with me, honestly, i dunno he like me since 2 yrs plus... and the purpose he want to tell me this is bcoz he dont want hv any regret in his life... he want me to know that in his heart, ady has a special place for me... omg..

he hope that i'll never forget him... if in this world got next life... 轮回.. he sure will come and find me, no matther how far i am, or how my look change, he sure can find me out and want me to be his gf... oh, damn... i told him stopped talking bout this, i was crying... i really cried these few night, once i think back what he had told me before... what a poor guy he's, i really feel sorry for him..

and now, he start no dare to facing me... he said he'll try all his best to forget me, althought this will make him suffer, but he must do it...

xisco, i jz want to know u one thing, since we ady know each other quite a long time ady, i'm sure i know u well.. i dont believe u dare to make this kind of joke with me, sure of coz i'll believe u, althought it's really a horrible thing to believe it... i really feel sory for u... if can, i really dont want to lose such a best fren, but what can i do? i really dont want to believe it also...

i not dare to say yes to be ur gf, i think u also know the resason, GF, is a responsibility for me, a responsibility for a girl to take care her bf, to be with him no matter where or what happened, do what ever for her bf if posible... is a strong word and full of responsibility job... all this things, i cant do it for u, no even one of it... i jz dun want to give u a little bit hope, but after that disappoint u... can u understand me??? u still can find me anytime, i'll be here for u, i'm ady to listen what ever that u want to tell me or share with me... i sure will listen..

u not need to run away from me... i'll be ur best fren forver... god bless u....