10/11/2009, 2.45am

10/11/2009

clock show 2.45am.. i've make myself a cup of hot coffee 2 hrs ago.. and start study FCS, Fundamental of Computer Security, it's a teory subject.. all muz memories if wanna study well in it... coffee get cold in a very soon time.. and i've used up 2 hrs to study it, but what i can say is i understand what i'm reading, unfortunately i cant memories them well.. mayb jz bcoz i'm bad in memories..

actually these few night i've started to burn my mid-night oil to get study.. sometime i did feel tired on it.. of coz not even on study, but in both.. physically and mentally.. i do really jealous on those who hv car in kampar.. at least they wont get wet on rainny day when going to Uni or back from there... i'm not mean i still not used to it on cycled to Uni, i do used to it.. but i really feel tired on it sometime, especially when sometime emergency need to go some place which muz need a car, i need to like a puppy asking or sometime even worse begging ppl to sending me there and back.. i really dun like that.. really.. but i've no choice..

if in physically like our body get tired, of coz we can get some rest or sleep to recover back.. but what else if is heart feel restless?? what can we do to reover it back? i really hv no idea on this..

i try not to exploit my emotion much to other ppl, especially family.. jz dun wan them to worry much on me.. but who's know i'm tired here?? who's know i'm lonely here?? and although they know, what can they do besides jz worry bout me?? i jz dont wanna be like that..

all i wanna is hiding the true.. and the true is i'm scare... i'm scare if i let myself to be unhappy for even one moment in front of them, the world will even crushing down and i dont know i can survive on that.. i dont wan them to have sad and worry face jz bcoz of me.. so i know i must be strong.. strong enough to take good care for myself.. strong enough to face and slove all the problem here by myself.. maybe it's a training for me, to become more mature.. jz act it be..

i'll be fine...