something happened to me yesterday night.. something very terrible to me happened.. i hard to accepted it, really hard... i totally dont hv any idea what should i do in that moment.. totally no.. i jz hide myself in my room.. hide myself in the corner.. i didnt switch on the light.. jz let it dark in the room.. jz let it be..

god.. i cant even stopped my tears.. keep dropping from my face.. my mind kept on replay the terrible moment jz now.. kept on and on.. really lost my control, but who knew it? nobody knew.. i was very scared.. really.. nobody can even help me.. and i'm always alone.. god..

i sms edmond, told him what happened to me, he jz asked me hide myself well and be patience, dont think too much, this kind of problem really nobody can help me..

maybe he's right, no one can help me, even my family, dad and bro also cant me, even themselves also hv no idea for this, i didnt slept well last night.. jz sat on my bed and dreamming, i saw dad also didnt slept, he sat on his bed, eyes looked like blur blur, maybe thinking bout the problem, i knew it really make dad sad.. i knew he love mom very much.. but what can he do? mom ady changed.. her temperament worse from day to day.. jz make all family feel sad..

mom said she got many presure in life, so what ever she asked us to do, jz follow and do for her, no matter what.. this really make me no idea, what kind of presure she had, can make her almost mad.. asked her b4, asnswered us that presure from her work, presure from my dad..somemore presure from my bro and me..

actually all this for me is nonsense.. rubbish.. the most problem for her is money.. if someone give her many many money right now, she sure will become normal immediately.. is very immediatelly.. haiz~ what wanna make money be so so important for herself? really like money so much herr??

so i make promise to myself yesterday, i MUST earn many many money when i start working later.. i must earn as much money as i can.. then give it to her.. since she so love money.. so, now, i must study well, keep hard in study.. no matter she like me or not, i still will do it well, i knew she didnt treat me as her daugther, i knew it pretty well.. i also will give many money to my dad.. his's too suffer now, ady old now but still need to suffer for all these..

i really down these few day.. i feel like i'm very useless.. i cant help them even me myself... i'm useless.. jz know always shut myself in room.. god, please help me

i hate the feeling of crying, but i jz cant stop it(god, i cry like mad now, keyboard getting flooded).. sorry.. really sorry..